An Excellent Mother

This post has been in development for a few weeks as it's been tough to put into words what I would like to say about Amy in a few short paragraphs. So I'll start with an apology that this post might be a little long but only because I'm out of time to make it shorter.

To begin I'll go back to when Amy and I first met back in August of 2001. Amy's best friend, Sallie from NY happened to come to Houston for a visit soon after Amy and I first met. The week after Sallie went home I just happened to be going to NY for 2 weeks for some work. It turned out I was able to spend time visiting Sallie in the city. Sallie talked and talked and all she talked about was Amy. However, I couldn't get enough of Sallie's Amy talk. I like visiting NY but I couldn't wait to get back home to see if this Amy girl was everything Sallie said she was. I got to know Amy through Sallie during this work trip and by the time I got home I had spent more time with Sallie than I had with Amy up to that point. To see how Sallie talked about Amy was amazing (and very entertaining). Their stories and the friendships they developed in college are the things books are written about. Sallie told of how Amy actually did write a book about some of their college experiences called the "Sallie and Amy Story”. Amy gave it as a gift to Sallie before they graduated but it was so good many other friends also wanted a copies. Sallie also told me stories about how Amy is quite dramatic sometimes, a bit of a hypochondriac, but more importantly about how Amy is the most loyal friend a person could have. Her stories also included about how they went through the experience of helping a good friend through a life-threatening accident and this story helped me to know that Amy would truly value each day we have in this life. Sallie’s stories helped to form a picture of a woman who seemed too good to be true as she was entertaining to be with yet she possessed a Faith that would enable her to weather any storm that life may bring.

3 days after I got home from NYC Sept. 11 happened. After learning more about the events of 9/11/01 and verifying that friends and co-workers were safe all I wanted to do is go home and spend time with Amy. We were able to spend some time together that afternoon/evening but Amy may not realize the beginning of what started that day. It wasn’t that Amy did or said anything specific that I can remember. All we did was sit and watch the 9/11 coverage. It's tough to describe what really began other than it was just a gut feeling that Amy was something special. It was not one of those typical feelings you have with someone who you would like to date or marry one day either. It wasn’t even a feeling that said, “everything was going to be okay” or “everything happens for a purpose” but a way that Amy carried herself that said she would be the same person and friend despite any challenge that she or any of her friends would face in life. I knew Amy was someone anyone would be fortunate to have on their side especially as a spouse. I began to experience some of what Sallie's stories seemed to say about Amy in that she has the gift of being a good friend. I say it’s a gift because it’s not what’s said or done in a friendship that matters most of the time. It is how someone feels when they are with you that helps to create a true friendship and it’s a very difficult thing to modify how people feel sometimes. Although, Amy has a knack for doing this and is very good at putting anyone she meets at ease no matter the circumstance.

Initially, I was worried that Amy would see marrying someone like me who had, had open heart surgery as an adult for a congenital heart defect (CHD) as too big of a risk especially since we both wanted kids eventually. She would have plenty of different options beginning a new life a big city like Houston but I didn't mind being one of the first opportunities. Thankfully, she chose love over the risks (and other options).

And it would be nice to say that the CHD discussions and experiences ended at this point and we got to live happily ever after but as most know that hasn’t been the case with us. 6 years later and a few days after our son's birth (on 2/14/2007) we learned Jake had a very similar defect to mine yet would need open heart surgery within the first year of his life if we wanted him to live. Yes, at first we thought one surgery was doable and could be explained by us to others, but then another open heart surgery was needed 19 months later, then a third 20 months later, and more than likely at least one more surgery will be required (at least that's what the "experts" say) sometime in the next few years. It's becoming clear that we are not supposed to be able to explain why certain things happen. Really, there has been little time to ask many of the "why" questions that we're tempted to ask as Amy also had our daughter Grace in 2009. I was worried about Grace in the beginning thinking she would not get needed attention at times because we are always so focused on Jake's health. I underestimated Grace because I think she is alot like her mom in that she is tougher than she really thinks, has a warm personality, and already has an unbelievable capacity to love.

So all the above is just background to what I really want to say. It's become clearer and clearer to me in the past year or so that Amy is everything that Sallie hyped her up to be. I've watched Amy as a Mother in amazement. She is an unbelievable Mother to Jake and Grace. In addition to balancing the attention and needs of Jake and Grace she has learned terms such as atrioventricular canal, sub-aortic stenosis, supra-ventricular tachycardia and learned how and when to ask the right questions of any of our doctors. She has refined her skills as a hypochondriac and learned to notice subtle differences in Jake that no one else can and also has a knack for just knowing when something is wrong. I believe many of Amy's previous life experiences were for the specific purpose of preparing her for this time in her life as a Mother. It's no accident she just happened to become a CHD Mother. In saying this I don't mean to imply that it's what defines or is defining her as a person. In fact, it’s just the opposite. She was this type of person before becoming a Mother and she continues face challenges with an unwavering Faith knowing that they are helping her to become the woman God intended her to be. It's too easy just to say that things happen for a reason and then go on with life ignoring the fact that God wants to work on us through the adversity. The hard part is truly accepting of the challenge and being willing to let God work on us through the adversity like Amy has done. I know she feels (as I do) that God placed us on this earth right in the middle of a scene in a play (that just so happens to be our life) and that it should be our job to figure out everything that is happening and will happen. Thankfully, this is not our job even though we still like to try to take on the challenge sometimes only to re-learn that it's still not our job no matter the circumstance. Sometimes in the midst of all the busyness Amy doesn't realize the impact she has had and is having on others. It's easy for me to see but I consider it an honor when other people notice as so many have the past few months.

So I'll quit talking about what I think of Amy and share just a few things others have written and said to me about Amy:

· “Amy is a fun Mom”

· "She is the most creative Mother I've ever seen"

· “Amy is one of the strongest people I know.”

· "I have to say that I didn't read her blog through dry eyes. I read it through eyes that understand well that Kingdom implications are in play"

· "God is using your story to encourage others!"

· "My Faith has been strengthened by watching you"

· "I commend you for not only your realization that God has a story to tell through your life but your willingness to live the story and share it with others so that His glory will be revealed! So thank you!"

Running the risk of focusing too much on the CHD side of things I've modified a short little piece regarding Mothers & CHD's. It's been posted on a number of blogs the past few years and helps to explain what has dominated much of Amy's life and thoughts as a Mother. They are thoughts that are common to every Mother who happens to live with a child with a CHD. I apologize but I don't know the original author to give the proper credit so if someone knows please send me a note.

“You passed me in the shopping mall...
(You read my faded tee)
You tapped me on the shoulder...
Then asked..."What's a CHD (Congential Heart Defect)?”
I could quote terminology...
There's stats that I could give...
But I would rather share with you...
A mother's perspective...

What is it like to have a child with a CHD?
It's Lasix, Enalapril, etc....
It's wondering...Lord what's the purpose in this?...
It's a constant reminder...to always give thanks...
It's learning how to recover…..
It's the drama of him learning to eat...
It's remembering the first time I held him not knowing...
It's knowing that I need...to help him grow strong...
It's making a hospital...home for awhile...
It's seeing my reward...in every smile.
It's caths, x-rays, echoe, and boo boos to kiss...
Its normalcy...I sometimes long for...
It's asking...is he overworking himself?
It's cringing inside... at what he's been through.
It's dozens of calls to his pediatrician...
(He knows me by name...I'm a mom on a mission)
It's being homebound...and lots of hand sanitizer...
It's knowing this journey...has made me much wiser.
It's watching him sleeping...his breathing is steady...
It's surgery day...and I'll never be ready.
It's handing him over...(it never gets any easier...)
It's knowing that his heart... can’t be cured, just repaired, etc...
It's waiting for news...on that long stressful day...
It's ...praying...it's hoping...that he will be okay

It's constantly checking his stats on the monitors in the CVICU...
It's knowing being at Texas Children’s...allows for little sleep...

It’s hearing the quiet hum of machines in the CVICU

…yet feeling a strange peace…

It's the wonderful friends... with whom I've connected...
It's the bond that we share through a CHD...so unexpected...

It’s learning how experiences such as this

…truly strengthens relationships...

It’s how I’ve learned that prayer…is truly a gift…
It's that long faded scar... down my child's small chest...
It's touching it gently...and knowing we're blessed...
It's watching him run to catch his sister...
It's the moment I realized...I've stopped asking...why?
It's the rain that falls...on a dark & gloomy day...
(That reminds me of those...who aren't with us today)
It's a brave little boy...who loves Buzz Lightyear...
Or his Fire Bear...or Mickey Mouse....
It's the need to remember...we are all in this Fight....
It's their lives that remind us... we still need to fight!
It's in pushing ahead amidst every challenge

…but more importantly learning how to after each sorrow…

It is finding the strength to have hope for tomorrow.
And no…we'll never be the same...and that’s okay…

..... because that's the way its supposed to be”

So Happy Mother’s Day, Amy and everyone thanks you for being an Excellent Mother!